March 21, 2012

New York, NY – Eric Breslow announced today that he is releasing himself from the New York Jets fan base as an unrestricted free agent. The terms of his release have not been disclosed.

Eric Breslow, 29, was to return to pre-season fan warm-ups but made this decision upon the Jets’ decision to acquire quarterback Tim Tebow for a fourth and sixth round draft pick. “It was an easy decision,” Eric said to reporters at his press conference, “Tebow’s a f*%kin idiot and Tebow Nation is the third-worst organization in the world behind Al Queda and Occupy Wall Street.”

Tensions have been rising pretty high between Eric and Jets management in recent months. Following the recent $41m deal to retain quarterback Mark Sanchez, certain members of the Jets fan club have begun noticing changes in the team’s behavior towards Eric. “It was like they looked at Eric’s vision for the team and decided to go into a completely opposite direction,” said Stephen Forte, “Eric has always remarked how the team should win a Superbowl, and with this decision, it was like they were gunning to become the next Buffalo Bills.”

Eric has been a Jets fan since the age of 6 when he developed the mental capacity to follow football. He is coming off a career season of drinking an excess amount of alcohol while overtly and obnoxiously rooting for his team.